The liquid burns as I swallow, wincing at the familiar sting.
Raising the bottle distorting the world even more than the alcohol in my blood,
She smiles seeing me there knowing it some else’s fault and she’s my blanket of comfort.
It can’t last forever; fumbling movements, awkward legs and arms reflexes slowed and vision blurred, temperatures rising, bodies melting together. We both have been there more than once the drunken fumbles dragging the each other out of bathroom stalls, walking through doors at sun up. Won’t get much better than this, slurred words and dark smoke filled rooms. We’ve been to hell and back together arm in arm, couldn’t ask for a better girl pushing me in the shower when I pass out. Got no regrets don’t have time to think back on mistakes on purpose or accident, we’ll be there like every time, wont get much better than this, our miserable drunken happiness.

I've been told many a time, "It's your own fault" or "Don't blame me", frankly I'm growing tired of all those excuses. Maybe if I had more of a back bone I would say something out loud, find some kind of voice. Even if its not my own maybe I could borrow a friends, I know a few who would lend me their's. I've got a good mind to just give it all up, after all what is it worth in the end? Some pain here and there a small sliver of happiness but only when I sacrifice for it? Truly, what is any of it worth?I don't know for sure exactly what it or I'm worth but I'm learning, slowly but surely. It may take me awhile but if I get told long enough it will eventually stick. Maybe I can find a voice, maybe I can grow a back bone possibly stand up for my own feelings. It's a pretty thought isn't it?

friends are like fine wine.....the longer you have them the more value they gain, but in some cases the wine can go bad, it can spoil. others you loose track of they get lost in the cellar and you get word of them once in a blue moon but never bare a thought of them again. the longer you have them the more expincive they become, and the more unwilling you become to let go of them. you dont wish to lose them and are afraid to drink it in. keep you friends close and keep your fine wines closer